A few weeks ago my boyfriend posted a blog entry entitled “On Relationships” – this is my response to that entry.
First, I must say that I agree with everything that my boyfriend stated in his post, and I have to say that I appreciate all of the wonderful things that he said about me.
That being said, I have to assert my own definition of love.
Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, but I believe that there is a lot more to it than that. Love is our response to the values that another person holds, which mirrors or complements our own values. The affection that we feel for another person has to come from somewhere – it doesn’t just appear out of thin air. When we learn about another person – their likes and dislikes, the things that they are passionate about, the things that are important to them – we are either to appreciate these things about them or not, depending on our own likes and dislikes, etc. If the person lives up to our own values and exhibits an ability to enhance those values, then love develops.
This post is very off-the-cuff for me (written very spur of the moment) so I’m not exactly sure if I’m making any sense (I am to me). But these are the things that I value in Clint; these are the things that have made me fall in love with him:
- He’s intelligent. Actually, he seems light years ahead of me in intelligence sometimes, but he is able to talk to me about things that I am interested in and studying about. He offers me a different way of looking at things a lot of the time. He gives me feedback on my hypotheses on some subjects and he keeps me on my toes. I always have to make sure I know what I’m talking about before I get into a conversation with him, which is a good thing! He keeps me sharp.
- I respect him, and his opinions, even when they differ from mine. I may not agree with him on everything (what kind of relationship would that be if we agreed all the time? We’d have nothing to talk about!), and I may try to argue my point to death sometimes (at least I feel like I’m arguing it to death sometimes) but at the end of the day, I respect the fact that he has his own opinions, and I love him for that.
- I also respect him for loving me for having my own thoughts and opinions. He recognizes that I am my own person and I will have thoughts and opinions that differ from his. Too many times in past relationships I have been torn down because my views and opinions are different from the person that I am with – you can only be torn down so much before you don’t even seem to exist any more.
- He values my independent spirit. Sometimes my independent spirit causes us to disagree on things, but at the end of the day, I know that it is one of the things he loves about me, just as much as I love his wanting to take care of me and protect me, no matter how independently stubborn I may be.
- He is funny. He has an amazing sarcastic wit and an ability to laugh at just about anything. He even makes me laugh at myself when I know that I am being ridiculous. And it was the first quality of his that I fell in love with.
- We can talk about ANYTHING – and I do mean ANYTHING. I have never felt more comfortable talking to anyone. I have never felt comfortable sharing all of myself with anyone before, and Clint has broken down every barrier I have in that department. There is a trust there that is amazing – it really takes a lot of trust to be able to share your entire self with someone, and we have that trust and that ability to communicate. I have NEVER had that before, and it is amazing to me.
- He encourages me to try and explore new things. All kinds of new things. I had never shot a gun before I met Clint. I had never thought about certain points of view before I met him. I literally learn something new just about every day because of something he has made me think about or something that we have done together.
- He’s always the hottest guy in the room. ALWAYS.
I may not have been quite as philosophical or profound in this post as Clint was in his, but the bottom line is, I value Clint. A value is something that you act to gain or keep. I value our relationship, I value our conversations, and I value every moment that we spend together. Because his overall values complement and add to mine, I have found my love for him growing deeper and fuller each and every day. And I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him.